By the title of this post, I am not at all implying that our liturgy gets us so excited that we can barely restrain ourselves from ripping our own clothes off and leaping ecstatically about the nave in some kind of frenzied improvisational liturgical dance. No, I am referring to the challenge that a mom with young children faces, to keep her clothes in place during the quiet and reverence of a traditional Latin Mass, and since it is the traditional Mass, a mantilla or hat as well.
The main rule of modesty I follow with skirts or dresses is that my knees have to be covered when I sit down. There are some very cute skirts that meet that critera, but they are just at the right height that I have had a toddler entertain himself by flipping the hem around, or grabbing the hem and raising the skirt up and down like a curtain. This is even worse than trying to keep your skirt down in a high wind. The other problem is when you pull a child onto your lap while you are sitting. The shorter the skirt, the more careful you have to be, or risk the child's feet pulling up the skirt into your lap with them. The safest skirt is a long one, because the bottom hem is low enough that the child would have to bend down or sit on the floor to get ahold of it, and you can pull them up onto your lap without worrying if that hikes your skirt up a few inches. The most interesting problem with skirts is what happens during what some people jokingly call our Catholic calesthenics. During the liturgy we stand, sit, and kneel. Small children usually like to stand on the kneeler, since that way their eyes are just above the back of the pew in front of them and they can see what is going on. The problem with this is that with a small child on either side of you on the kneeler, at least one of them will end up standing on your skirt. You try to stand and find yourself pinned to the the kneeler. On this topic, if you have small children, it is very risky to wear a skirt with an elastic waist that is easily pulled off. Don't ask me how I know this, but if you stand up in a skirt like that, and someone is standing on your skirt, your skirt will stay where it was when you stand up. You don't want this to happen in church. Trust me on this one.
The other risky area of clothing is of course the neckline. Even a very modest neckline cannot stand up against a 30-pound toddler who uses it to pull themselves closer to Mommy. You also have to make sure your top stays in place while you bend over to hear what your child is whispering to you. ("I need to go poop.") Any kind of blouse that needs constant adjusting will drive you crazy if you are managing a small team in your pew. Then if you have a nursing baby or toddler you also have to be watchful in case they decide to help themselves to a snack. The only safe article of clothing I can think of would be coveralls, but I just can't see myself showing up at Mass in one of Mr. B's old flight suits.
The ultimate challenge with small children, if you are a traditional Catholic, is keeping your head covered. When we first started attending the Latin Mass, I thought that there was some special gift the other ladies had, as their mantillas stayed on their heads seemingly effortlessly. I quickly realized that in order to keep my mantilla on, I would have to take precautions. I have tried hairpins, combs, clips, and everything short of actually glueing lace to my head. My hair is naturally rather slippery, and I have to twist a section of it, put a pin or clip in it, and then pin my mantilla to that section of hair. My other solution is a mantilla with a sewn-in comb, which gives the appearance of staying on effortlessly, and I can even bend over to see what a child is whispering to me. ("I need to pee.") None of these measures are childproof, however. My first months in the Latin Mass I was juggling a very wiggly young toddler and I nearly lost my mind along with the mantilla. All it takes is one child pulling on one side of your mantilla, and the whole thing slides off on that side. If you have pinned it securely, it comes off along with some of your hair, ripped out by the roots. I briefly tried hats, but the first time your toddler pulls the hat down over both eyes while you are walking, you find them less charming. They also travel an impressive distance if they get knocked off your head.
Accessories give a very nice finish to an outfit, but long earrings risk being pulled, bracelets and necklaces function as manipulatives, and scarves are potentially fatal. A coordinating scarf wound around your neck feels so pretty, until a child tries to hang from the ends and nearly strangles you. All of these things--your skirt, your blouse, any accessories, your mantilla, require at least one hand to keep in place. When you add several toddlers you would need to be an octopus. I love seeing my row of children, all dressed up for church, but often by the time it is over I feel somewhat disheveled. I will save distractions in church for another post, but if trying to keep your clothes on wasn't enough, there are other ways that your children will keep you focused on things other than the liturgy. Sandals with summer skirts are particularly risky. When the congregation rises for the Gloria, at least one child bailing off the pew will land right on your unprotected toes. Mr. B. suggests rather unsympathetically that I wear steel-toed boots, but they just don't coordinate with any of my dress clothes. They might go nicely with the coveralls though.
