Now that she can communicate in English, little bits about her past are coming out. She told me a week ago that there were three girls in her room in China. That seems like a small number to me, but that is what she said. She calls them all sisters, and even though she knows her own Chinese name she hasn't been able to tell us the names of any of them. I'm glad that she seems to have happy memories of her former life, since I struggle a lot with anger about how neglected she was. No child should be that malnourished or have deep ulcers in their little bottoms from not having their diaper changed.
Last week I told her that we are going to see a doctor and get her feet fixed. She looked at me like I was telling her something very novel, and asked, "Like Catherine? Like John?" When I told her yes, she would have feet that were straight and be able to wear shoes, she just threw back her head and began to laugh with joy. She has asked me several times since then, "when we go doctor?" In China people would talk in front of her about her feet, and people seemed to see her clubbed feet as horrible deformities, not as something that can be corrected. They were talking in Chinese but it was very obvious when they would point to her feet and talk among themselves. Of course she could understand them, and she would get very quiet and uncharacteristically subdued for awhile. I don't think she realized that anything could be done so she can walk like a normal person. She has been so happy about that news, and especially about being able to wear shoes. I have never seen a child who loves shoes as much as this one. When we were still in China I wrote about my experience letting her pick out a pair of shoes: http://www.thelaundrymountain.blogspot.com/2012/08/a-new-pair-of-shoes.html
The other night when I was tucking her in, she talked about them again. Tucking-in can be a bit prolonged. After the hugs, kisses, and tucking, when I start to leave the room she will say, "Mama, hugga me!" She has missed out of years of hugs so I go back and repeat the process while she beams with happiness. The other night, she held on to me and looked into my eyes and said, "I want go." I was a bit startled and asked her where, and she said, "I want go to my China." I told her that someday she can go back to visit, and it all ended on a happy note. A day or two later, she brought it up again when we were alone. I asked her why she wants to go, and she said, "because." (I told you that she is learning English very fast--that sounded so much like her other siblings!) Finally I found out that she wants to see her friends and show them her feet when they are fixed, when she, "walks by self." I guess the ultimate way for her to show people her new life would be to see her old friends, walking in on her own two little feet, wearing pretty shoes.
