I thought THIS was a very good post for extended families or friends to read, now that holiday gathering season is in full swing. We are very blessed in our family and our church and their warm acceptance of our children, but I recently read about a friend's experience and thought the more we can spread the word, the more situations we could avoid. This mom has a child just home from China, and at their family gathering an aunt actually reprimanded the child for throwing a temper tantrum by telling her she should be grateful she has a family and that she could still be living in an orphanage in China. I think most adoptive parents would tell you that we don't expect our kids to be thankful we adopted them, any more than we expect our kids to be grateful when we suggest that dancing on the front lawn in your underwear isn't proper behavior, that they should brush their teeth and make their beds, or later tell them when they can and cannot have the car keys. Anyone who would say that to a newly adopted child is either thoughtless or hopelessly immune to suggestions, but for those who are open to them, that post is very good. Please keep in mind that even though as adults we know that it is great these kids have access to food, medical care, and a family to love them, but that leaving everything you have ever known is hard. Learning a new language and culture is hard, and so is finding your place in a new family, surrounded by unfamiliar things. No child (or adult) wants to be made to feel like a charity project, or that they are less valuable than kids who stay in their first families. Kids with medical needs benefit from the care they can get here, but their most fundamental special need was for a family. Our kids didn't have any choice about whether or by whom they would be adopted, and we don't expect them to be grateful. They are just kids. Our job is to pour love into them and help them have the best lives possible, no matter how tough the early stages of adjustment are. All adoptive families that I know adopted their kids for a very simple reason--love--and that is what we are celebrating this holiday season, after all.
