It is funny how you have preconcieved ideas about people you have never met. Based on the stories from people who knew and loved him, I knew that John Francis was a happy and sweet little guy. I just had no idea what a sensitive soul he is, and just how hard the transition would be for him. I suppose that I pictured him as being more outgoing than he is. This little boy is just full of love, and he also has a very strong need for security. I knew on an intellectual level that to take a 4-year-old from all he has ever known, and to travel with him to 3 cities, then to America, where he has to learn a new language and nothing is familiar. Reading about how hard that is can never prepare your heart for what it is like to live with a child who is in the most stressful situation they have ever been in. He was so happy and loved at Eagle's Wings, that unlike Therese he was leaving a home. He doesn't have a personality that likes change so the whole process and trip was extra difficult for him. Seeing this little guy so sad and stressed was heartbreaking. So many times he was overwhelmed, and even though he let me comfort him, I knew that I wasn't Mommy yet. There were times on the trip where he would cry, but more often he would just shut down. He would refuse to look at or talk to anyone, especially the guide. Since we got home he has refused to speak Chinese to anyone but Therese. When he hears someone speaking Chinese he zones out and becomes completely uncommunicative. I had hoped that having people we know, who speak Chinese, available to translate for him would ease the transition, but it was a complete failure.
After the first week, when the excitement of the new bed, new toys, and new home had started to wear off, our little guy had daily breakdowns where he would cry until he was drenched with tears and drool. Sometimes he wouldn't let me hold him. It was hard to see a little guy hurting like that, and to be unable to do anything to help him.
Slowly, gradually, we are seeing more glimpses of the happy sweetie that charmed so many people who lived or visited at Eagle's Wings. We are seeing smiles and hearing real laughter. At first it was hard for him to understand that his new big brothers were being affectionate when they walked by and said, "hey", and pounded him on the shoulder. He played mostly with Therese, who he had two weeks to bond with in China, and then with Catherine. Playing with his new big sister in her play kitchen was something that was safe and fun. She didn't tease him or knock him down by accident like the big brothers, and he even liked putting on her play jewelry and having tea parties with the dolls and stuffed animals. He is starting to bond with the others now--the boys have him giving high fives and knuckles with them now. He loves Thomas the Train and Bob the Builder. He walks around the house singing the theme song, which he sings like this: "Bog a Bilger, can we sha." He is learning English very fast and is already using complete sentences and counting into the teens.
Medically, he had good lab results, and was negative for giardia. I am very thankful that we took precautions in China and didn't bathe them together, just in case one had something we didn't want them to share. Developmentally, he is a normal kid his age. He has some mobility issues that will need attention. He has the flattest feet I have ever seen, and his right foot rolls over. He probably needs a brace on that foot and ankle. We have appointments with the orthopedist and urologist and will also see an opthalmologist and the dentist. I was very frustrated because we were having trouble getting an appointment with the neurosurgery department. Two weekends ago I got very scared about whether his shunt was working, partly because when he was crying he kept putting his hand on his head, the side of his head where the shunt is. I stayed up very late reading more about shunts and hydrocephalus and scared myself thoroughly. On the Monday morning I called the pediatrician's office and told them of my concerns. When the doctor called me back he told me that if I was worried, I should take him to the ER at Children's, and that might expedite our neurosurgery consult.
So that Monday afternoon I spent most of the day at the ER, which was a very interesting experience. After x-rays, the doctor told me that my little guy is quite full of poop. So full of it that it could be impacting the end of the drainage tube for his shunt. They also did a CT scan and a neurosurgeon came to talk to me and told me that the shunt, although the tubing all looks clear, isn't really in the right location in his brain. The neurosurgeon said, "that shunt needs revision sooner rather than later." We got an appointment for the next Monday with neurosurgery, so I guess the ER trip got someone's attention. The neurosurgeon we met with wants to take a cautious approach, since John doesn't show any physical signs of shunt failure. We will be getting a series of MRIs of his brain and spine before they decide what, if anything, needs to be done in the near future. It takes awhile to get the MRIs set up, because he will have to be sedated. They will have to be done in the hospital instead of an outside clinic.
John Francis is definitely Mommy's boy right now. He likes to help me when I garden, but says, "yucky" when I offer to let him hold an earthworm. He takes very good care of Therese, even though he does enjoy bossing her around. Sometimes when she says something in Chinese, he will make her say it again, since her Lanzhou dialect isn't standard Chinese. He also tries to explain things to her, and I would LOVE to know what he is telling her, since there are times I don't know if he really knows what is going on himself. She usually nods seriously as he talks, so maybe whatever he is telling her makes sense. He is the first to let me know if she needs a refill at the table or more food. He likes to play outside and inside his favorite toys are usually toy cars and trucks. Now that he is starting to relax, he is getting more and more affectionate. He gives the sweetest hugs and often during the day will come find me wherever I am and just lean his head against me for a quick affection re-charge.
His file sounded scary, among other things it said, "development of brain is not good." That is probably a very poor translation of the effects of the hydrocephalus, but what a terrible label to put on a little boy. He does have some medical issues but he is just a normal little guy in every other way. I'm glad I'm the one who gets to be his mommy, but I feel sad that his file sat so long because of the unfortunate wording, when he could have been in a family a year sooner. I can only conclude that things work out for good and that this special, loving little boy was meant to be in our family. I'm glad we said yes!
